Back to Back for SOBT

Each season, a few of the greatest baseball minds get together for the Onroto Fantasy Baseball League. Early in the league’s inception, Jason Wass was the one to beat. However, three years ago new blood came into the league as Team Sex on the Beach Tennis, led by David Sickmen and Alan Brofka, came on for their rookie season. Brofka had been in the league previously, but his habit of drafting only closers who came out from the bullpen to metal songs kept him towards the bottom of the league until Sickmen arrived.  After a second place finish in their rookie season, back to back titles have followed and it’s clear a three-peat is on the horizon. Three years into their careers, they have supplanted Wass as "Kings of Fantasy Baseball." The league is run by Bill Levin (owner of Topspin Tennis) who seems to do a lot better in his West Coast league than East Coast version year in and year out (but certain substances are legal out west that may help make that possible).

The league started off a bit rocky with its draft back in April where Commissioner Levin used his authority to steal James Shields away from Wass after Wass took seven pitchers in a six-pitcher league. This led to Wass protesting the season under article 47-B which clearly states: "Once a drunk manager picks a middle reliever (Alexei Ogando) as a starter, you must then let that manager draft an excess starter in order to not make that team a complete laughing stock." Levin vetoed the protest, claiming he "runs a dictatorship" and took Shields for himself forcing Brofka to step between the two before they came to blows. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to push Levin’s team to the top.

Team Ice Cream, managed by Seth August, finished a better than expected fourth. August, who finished dead last in his rookie season (probably a byproduct of the fact he scooped Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream to senior citizens mid-draft), was very proud of his improvement this year. In his post-season interview, August said, " Not many teams can have the triple crown champion on their roster and still manage to finish fourth. Team Ice Cream is proud of this accomplishment … third place here I come!"

This year’s basement dweller was Steve Horn. Horn, who added Cy Young candidate RA Dickey at the midseason deadline, still finished about a trillion points from the winner, setting a league record for lowest points. Horn had this to say at the conclusion of the season, "I am an avid golfer, and in golf, the lowest score wins … I could have sworn Commish Levin said those were the rules in this league."

The season came down to a clear two team race between Sex on the Beach Tennis and Ebony and Ivory, managed by Sheldon Grant of Eastern Athletic fame. Within the league, Grant is known for his propensity to take way too long to draft, and then basically stop time while explaining why his eventual draftee is the sleeper of the year. Grant’s team was buoyed by his man crush Matt Kemp early on, but it fell off with Kemp spending half the year on the DL and that proved too much to overcome. The battle between SOTBT and E&I came down to the final week, but SOTBT pulled away to take the crown by 100 points. In the aftermath of his second place finish, Grant eloquently noted, "This whole second place thing sucks c-ck and ball. Kemp missed too much time. So close, yet so far. I love that man though."

It was a great season for Team Sex on the Beach Tennis, as they have now won back to back championships. Team captain David Price said after the season, "21 wins in Tampa is a great season, and if I win the Cy Young it would obviously be a huge accomplishment, but both things pale in comparison to the chance to play for Sex on the Beach Tennis."

SOTBT outfielder Curtis Granderson said, "Going into to the playoffs with the Yankees has been a fantastic ride, but I’m one of the lucky guys who already has a title. What an honor playing on such a great team like Team Sex on the Beach Tennis."

These words were echoed by another SOTBT outfielder Andrew McCutchen who said, "While my professional team may have fallen short in its goals this year, what is more important is how I helped lead my fantasy team to yet another title. Congrats to all my teammates on SOTBT!"

Alan Brofka co-manager (in title only), of SOTBT said, "This title is a culmination of my hard work paying off. While I may have dozed off during the draft, and I can probably only name about three players on the SOTBT roster, my dedication was apparent in that I watched every baseball game possible for the first week and last week of the season while seeing absolutely none in-between and wasting $149 on the baseball package. Luckily, my winnings here will pay for that as well as for MLB The Show 2013. Oh, and by the way, this is the Brofka Nation championship of life. Society! "

Since the conclusion of the OnRoto season, Sickmen has been fielding offers from many pro franchises that are currently in disarray, from the New York Islanders and New York Mets, to the Dallas Stars and New Orleans Hornets to come in and oversee operations and stabilize their respective teams.

"While it’s nice to have Lou Lamorello, the Doubledays and Charles Wang blowing up my cell phone, I have a responsibility to my current role as publisher," said Sickmen. "Besides, if I were to leave, I think my fantasy baseball peers would miss my domination too much, and as a friend, I wouldn’t want to deny them that."

NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is said to have also contacted Sickmen to run a rouge pro hockey league should the lockout linger between the NHL and its millionaires

The real question heading into 2013 is will there be a three peat? This acclaimed author thinks so!